So, I got into a fight. It was so stupid - full disclosure, it was over a desk. I wanted to move into a space at work and this other girl didn’t want me to. In the whole process, she said and did some things that hurt my feelings. Now, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m not a cry-at-movies kind of girl. I could not relate to the movie Mean Girls or any shows like 90210 or Pretty Little Liars. I don’t do drama. But there I am, getting my feelers hurt about a desk.
But, I learned a few things in the whole process. I learned that in drama (no matter the size) you are only responsible for yourself and you are called to be obedient no matter what the other person is doing.
The one whose walk is blameless, whoever does these things who does what is righteous…will never be shaken. Psalm 15:2,5
In Psalms 15 there’s a list of things that God values in us, His children. The list begins with the phrase ‘whose walk is blameless.’ Let’s not be mistaken – no one is perfect! God does not ask us to be or expect us to be perfect. It’s just not possible.
Being blameless isn’t about being perfect. It’s about living in a way that lets you sleep at night without regret. It’s about being proud of your actions – and asking for forgiveness when you mess up. That’s what God wants us to do – to try to be blameless. And He says if we live like that, we can’t be shaken.
I’m far from always being blameless, but if the reward is being proud and sure of where I’m standing, I’ll keep trying.
Ask God to change your heart
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:24
In the heat of the moment, especially when you’re sure you’re right, it’s hard to consider forgiving the other person. It seems obvious that they are obviously the one who should be asking for forgiveness! After The Desk Fight (it’s big enough it to deserves it’s own name, I guess) I didn’t want to be around ‘that girl’ who said ‘that thing’. When I was back at work, it was all I could do to not tell her off. I couldn’t do my job because I was just sitting around stewing and reliving my hurt. Something had to change – little did I know, it was my heart that needed the adjustment.
As I prayed about the situation in the following days, God changed my heart. He gave me a deeper understanding of what the other person could be going through. He opened my eyes to see them as a valuable person and co-worker. He reminded me that He loves my co-worker. He loves her just as much as he loves me. And He pointed out the places in my attitude that needed correcting – and even things that I needed to ask forgiveness for.
It was so irritating to be praying for God to set this person straight but having only to have Him change the conversation to setting me straight. He always does that to me.
Remember you can’t control the other person.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16
In the end, I asked forgiveness from my co-worker. God helped me realize where I got pushy and where I wasn’t ‘blameless.’ I told her I was sorry for letting things get out of hand. Part of me hoped she would apologize, too – but she didn’t.
It bugged me for a minute (by a minute, I mean about a week), but God reminded me that I’m not in control of the other person. God called me to obey Him. God asked me to be blameless. He showed me where my heart was hard and needed softening. He told me to ask for forgiveness. And that’s all I can do. I was obedient on my end, and He could fill in the gaps. I thought that my hurt could only be healed by the other person’s admitted guilt – but I was wrong. God can heal my hurt. When I obey Him, I get to be blameless, I get to be humbled, and I get to be healed.
What a relief that my happiness doesn’t depend on other people being perfect, it relies on a perfect God.